Stories of Triumph and Inspiration
Members of Faith share personal experiences that highlight God's love, mercy and guidance.
Grant and Mary Kelley
Grant and Mary Kelley are an admirable couple who have extended open-arms love to create a unique family and change the lives of so many children. Both Mary and Grant are Illinois natives—Grant originally from Chicago’s Austin neighborhood and Mary a lifelong resident of Glen Ellyn. They met when Grant attended a 1972 Luther League New Year’s Eve party at Faith. (According to Mary, “The first night I met Grant, I knew I would marry him!”) Grant works as an executive for an international insurance company specializing in coverage for non-profits. He notes, “I love this company—its culture is about giving back to the community.”
For a few years while their family was growing, Mary worked as a nurse, in postpartum and pediatrics — “I wanted to be a nurse because a relative who I looked up to was a nurse — She’s Catholic, but she comes to church with us (the Rahms) frequently.”
To begin, just how many Kelleys are there?
GRANT: We started our family with 6 birth children and we’ve added to it by adopting 10 more children. We have 16 grandchildren—age 6 and under—and more on the way. With all the grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins, siblings, grandkids, in-laws, we’re part of a much bigger crew.
What motivated you to want a large family?
MARY: When I was 12, I read a book about this large family of adopted kids and….
This idea started when you were that young?
MARY: Yes. The Family Nobody Wanted was the story of how a minister and his wife adopted a large number of hard-to-place children. (I still have copies of the book!) I knew immediately that I wanted my own family to grow like that.
GRANT: We talked about having a family when we were first dating. Mary wanted twelve kids, birth and adopted, including a set of twins. Mary doesn’t do anything halfway!
How’d you begin the adopting process?
GRANT: We foster-parented at first because I wasn’t sure I could love an adopted child as much as I loved our birth children. But I learned pretty quickly it doesn’t matter—once you hold them, you know they’re yours! We began the adoption process within a year. Over the years we have been blessed to foster over 50 newborns.
MARY: We worked with several adoption agencies, but it was an uphill battle—adoption agencies were not in favor of transracial adoptions at the time. Several agencies tried to offer us white infants, but we knew that they would easily find a home. After three years of searching, we finally met a social worker who was brand new to her work. With her help we found our first adopted son, Matthew.
GRANT: With the adoption of Matthew, we were now considered a multicultural family and adoptions were much easier after that.
Obviously, you prevailed like pioneers do!
GRANT: We weren’t pioneers—we were just stubborn. (If you tell Mary she can’t do something, you just made a big mistake!) Mary got us involved with Adoption Link in Oak Park—she was on their Board for awhile. The owner of the agency had a multicultural family similar to ours.
MARY: I feel that God put me here to be a mom. Thank goodness that Grant came along for the ride, I could not have done it without him! We’ve faced struggles along the way — Zoie, our first adoptive daughter, died as an infant. We were devastated, but her passing made us appreciate the other kids even more.
How’s this turned out for you?
GRANT: We lived in Texas for a few years, but we made the choice to move back to be close to Mary's dad—who was getting older—and to the rest of our family. We realize that it’s a real blessing to have our kids grow up together. I used to take this for granted—the big, diverse, extended family—but now I see that it’s truly a rare blessing. How well we get along with each other. How we stay in touch with each other. Even our kids who aren’t in Chicagoland anymore—they feel like their cousins are their brothers and sisters.
Anything else?
MARY: We have learned to allow our children to choose their own paths. You give your children guidance and tools, education and opportunities—so that they can make good decisions on their own, with an open heart.
GRANT: Even though we may have attracted attention over the years—we didn’t do this to be an example. We just wanted to grow our family. It’s just an added bonus—when people see our family, it encourages them to think about adoption or to be more open-minded in general.
“Open” seems like it’s more than just an idea for you.
MARY: To us, having an open mind means that you look at all of the facts and issues fairly. And that you look at people in that way, too. Being parents to a group of diverse kids, we have been fortunate to see life from a little broader perspective. We understand how important Black Lives Matter, the MeToo! movement and LGBTQ rights are.
GRANT: We are works in progress and are by no means perfect, but we are trying to do better each day. We’re committed to trying to see things from others’ point of view. You go into situations and try to collect the information and review it with a clear mind. As much as possible, free of bias. And part of that process is taking the first step: Admitting and accepting that we have biases. We’ve tried to teach our kids to be open and respectful to differences of all kinds. One of the sayings in our house is, “Thank God that we are all different! Wouldn’t life be boring if we were all the same?”
How’s that worked out for your family?
MARY: Being different is the norm in our family. Our kids have embraced what makes each of them who they are. When our daughter Korie was in preschool, she believed (and told everyone) that our son Matthew was her twin brother. The fact that she was light skin-toned, blonde with blue eyes and Matthew was dark skin-toned with brown hair and eyes were just “details” to her.
One of our kids is in the process of adopting, so we have been discussing with our grandchildren what it means to be adopted. We also explained that some of their aunts and uncles joined our family through adoption, and they had no idea which ones that would be. We believe that children are born open-minded and that it is up to us to encourage them to remain that way.
GRANT: Now that they are older, our kids are obviously aware of differences in society. They try to be open-minded and they are teaching their children to do the same. It is heartwarming to see them make an effort to stand up for and support others, especially those who have a hard time being heard.
What do you look forward to?
MARY: Seeing our family continue to grow and blossom. We are blessed to have a wonderful group of grandchildren who are white, Black/Puerto Rican and soon—Colombian. We currently have a kid who’s adopting a 3-year old from Colombia. Another one of our kids is looking into possibly adopting from Haiti. We can’t wait to see and meet all of our future grandchildren and know that there will continue to be a beautiful blend of diverse individuals.
GRANT: We hope that our kids will have the same opportunities that we’ve had. We’ve grown as parents and have changed our original ideas of what we thought were their ideal futures, to more accurately reflect their needs and dreams. Things may not have always turned out the way we envisioned, but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing, just different.
Final thoughts?
GRANT: Diversity has always been a broad term for us—we celebrate differences and we’ve taught our children to do the same. They are examples for the future the rest of us will live into.
MARY: Through the ups and downs in life, God has allowed our family to grow and our kids to be a true blessing. Hopefully our children can be a blessing to others. We’re doing what we were put on earth to do: To raise good human beings!
Grant and Mary Kelley are an admirable couple who have extended open-arms love to create a unique family and change the lives of so many children. Both Mary and Grant are Illinois natives—Grant originally from Chicago’s Austin neighborhood and Mary a lifelong resident of Glen Ellyn. They met when Grant attended a 1972 Luther League New Year’s Eve party at Faith. (According to Mary, “The first night I met Grant, I knew I would marry him!”) Grant works as an executive for an international insurance company specializing in coverage for non-profits. He notes, “I love this company—its culture is about giving back to the community.”
For a few years while their family was growing, Mary worked as a nurse, in postpartum and pediatrics — “I wanted to be a nurse because a relative who I looked up to was a nurse — She’s Catholic, but she comes to church with us (the Rahms) frequently.”
To begin, just how many Kelleys are there?
GRANT: We started our family with 6 birth children and we’ve added to it by adopting 10 more children. We have 16 grandchildren—age 6 and under—and more on the way. With all the grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins, siblings, grandkids, in-laws, we’re part of a much bigger crew.
What motivated you to want a large family?
MARY: When I was 12, I read a book about this large family of adopted kids and….
This idea started when you were that young?
MARY: Yes. The Family Nobody Wanted was the story of how a minister and his wife adopted a large number of hard-to-place children. (I still have copies of the book!) I knew immediately that I wanted my own family to grow like that.
GRANT: We talked about having a family when we were first dating. Mary wanted twelve kids, birth and adopted, including a set of twins. Mary doesn’t do anything halfway!
How’d you begin the adopting process?
GRANT: We foster-parented at first because I wasn’t sure I could love an adopted child as much as I loved our birth children. But I learned pretty quickly it doesn’t matter—once you hold them, you know they’re yours! We began the adoption process within a year. Over the years we have been blessed to foster over 50 newborns.
MARY: We worked with several adoption agencies, but it was an uphill battle—adoption agencies were not in favor of transracial adoptions at the time. Several agencies tried to offer us white infants, but we knew that they would easily find a home. After three years of searching, we finally met a social worker who was brand new to her work. With her help we found our first adopted son, Matthew.
GRANT: With the adoption of Matthew, we were now considered a multicultural family and adoptions were much easier after that.
Obviously, you prevailed like pioneers do!
GRANT: We weren’t pioneers—we were just stubborn. (If you tell Mary she can’t do something, you just made a big mistake!) Mary got us involved with Adoption Link in Oak Park—she was on their Board for awhile. The owner of the agency had a multicultural family similar to ours.
MARY: I feel that God put me here to be a mom. Thank goodness that Grant came along for the ride, I could not have done it without him! We’ve faced struggles along the way — Zoie, our first adoptive daughter, died as an infant. We were devastated, but her passing made us appreciate the other kids even more.
How’s this turned out for you?
GRANT: We lived in Texas for a few years, but we made the choice to move back to be close to Mary's dad—who was getting older—and to the rest of our family. We realize that it’s a real blessing to have our kids grow up together. I used to take this for granted—the big, diverse, extended family—but now I see that it’s truly a rare blessing. How well we get along with each other. How we stay in touch with each other. Even our kids who aren’t in Chicagoland anymore—they feel like their cousins are their brothers and sisters.
Anything else?
MARY: We have learned to allow our children to choose their own paths. You give your children guidance and tools, education and opportunities—so that they can make good decisions on their own, with an open heart.
GRANT: Even though we may have attracted attention over the years—we didn’t do this to be an example. We just wanted to grow our family. It’s just an added bonus—when people see our family, it encourages them to think about adoption or to be more open-minded in general.
“Open” seems like it’s more than just an idea for you.
MARY: To us, having an open mind means that you look at all of the facts and issues fairly. And that you look at people in that way, too. Being parents to a group of diverse kids, we have been fortunate to see life from a little broader perspective. We understand how important Black Lives Matter, the MeToo! movement and LGBTQ rights are.
GRANT: We are works in progress and are by no means perfect, but we are trying to do better each day. We’re committed to trying to see things from others’ point of view. You go into situations and try to collect the information and review it with a clear mind. As much as possible, free of bias. And part of that process is taking the first step: Admitting and accepting that we have biases. We’ve tried to teach our kids to be open and respectful to differences of all kinds. One of the sayings in our house is, “Thank God that we are all different! Wouldn’t life be boring if we were all the same?”
How’s that worked out for your family?
MARY: Being different is the norm in our family. Our kids have embraced what makes each of them who they are. When our daughter Korie was in preschool, she believed (and told everyone) that our son Matthew was her twin brother. The fact that she was light skin-toned, blonde with blue eyes and Matthew was dark skin-toned with brown hair and eyes were just “details” to her.
One of our kids is in the process of adopting, so we have been discussing with our grandchildren what it means to be adopted. We also explained that some of their aunts and uncles joined our family through adoption, and they had no idea which ones that would be. We believe that children are born open-minded and that it is up to us to encourage them to remain that way.
GRANT: Now that they are older, our kids are obviously aware of differences in society. They try to be open-minded and they are teaching their children to do the same. It is heartwarming to see them make an effort to stand up for and support others, especially those who have a hard time being heard.
What do you look forward to?
MARY: Seeing our family continue to grow and blossom. We are blessed to have a wonderful group of grandchildren who are white, Black/Puerto Rican and soon—Colombian. We currently have a kid who’s adopting a 3-year old from Colombia. Another one of our kids is looking into possibly adopting from Haiti. We can’t wait to see and meet all of our future grandchildren and know that there will continue to be a beautiful blend of diverse individuals.
GRANT: We hope that our kids will have the same opportunities that we’ve had. We’ve grown as parents and have changed our original ideas of what we thought were their ideal futures, to more accurately reflect their needs and dreams. Things may not have always turned out the way we envisioned, but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing, just different.
Final thoughts?
GRANT: Diversity has always been a broad term for us—we celebrate differences and we’ve taught our children to do the same. They are examples for the future the rest of us will live into.
MARY: Through the ups and downs in life, God has allowed our family to grow and our kids to be a true blessing. Hopefully our children can be a blessing to others. We’re doing what we were put on earth to do: To raise good human beings!